E-mails from an Asshole

Bug-themed Party

Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:08:22

Original ad:
We are hosting a 5th birthday party for our son and his friends. It`s a "bug themed" party and we`re looking to hire someone who can bring a few bugs/spiders (maybe under glass?) to the party and educate the kids for about 20 minutes (we`re talking 5-year old attention span). The party is at the end of June. Please contact me if you have experience with and access to bugs and can create a fun learning experience for the kids.

Timmy Tucker to ****************@**********.org

Hey there,

I have access to about twenty black widow spiders, and about 50 brown recluse spiders. For $200, I can release them at your party, and everyone can enjoy them. They are great for kids! I know a lot about insects from my job. I worked in an office on the first floor that had cheap windows, so I always had to kill bugs. I can tell you how to kill anything from a stink bug to an African burrowing scorpion. I can give a small speech to your party about this.

Also, for an extra $50, I can release a bag of wasps in your house to really give it that insect theme that you are looking for.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Tim

anonymous (2012-02-29 13:05:51)
Apparently some of you idiots didn't even read the damn ad before commenting. "we`re looking to hire someone who can bring a few bugs/SPIDERS..." spiders may not be 'bugs' but they still qualify as spiders you morons!!

joemando11@yahoo.com (2011-01-06 03:36:10)
Morans the guy who answered the ad is for shure fucking with that woman.... Its a joke. ... Hes being a feeak and pulling her legs cant u take a joke when u read one. Dammm freaks... It is funnny shittt.. So just give the guy some credit and laugh sukasss

Idiots Amuse Me (2010-09-15 08:32:05)
@toxick magician -- By the way, "toxic" is spelled without the "K", buddy. You no right to be "educating" anyone about toxic fluids, be it poison or venom, when you can't even spell the word correctly. Good job, kid. *Brushe

Idiots Amuse Me (2010-09-15 08:29:55)
@toxick magician Venom is injected, usually through a bite or a sting. Poison is secreted through skin. Poisonous Frogs. Venomous snakes. You're honestly going to use a dictionary to try to prove your point and fucking fail at it? Now go kill yourself

toxick magician (2010-09-14 19:28:53)
@@ lol & awesome: Definition of "venom": �noun 1. the poisonous fluid that some animals secrete and introduce into the bodies of their victims by biting or stinging. Venom is poison, anyone with an IQ over 60 knows that. To be venomous is t

unknown (2010-06-11 13:56:57)
ok first of all once a brown recluse bites you , you do not have a lot of time do get the venom out of you becuase my father got bit by one of them and ended in the hospital and almost had his thumb amputated. along with his hand blew up like a ballon, bl

Ingratiating (2010-02-24 16:45:51)
Replies would be nice, but when someone works THAT hard on creating an elegantly offensive email, I can understand why they'd want to share their work of art with the world even if they didn't get a reply to it.

Ben (2009-08-18 00:04:15)
Stfu, all of you. Carl is either trolling you, or just an incredibly retarded guy. Either way, what you're doing is useless... You're either enabling him, or wasting your time explaining something he's too retarded to understand.

Tommy Pit (2009-08-10 23:40:34)
tpz, you are fucking way out of line Carl is genuinely fucking confused and you're treating him like shit Carl, this site is like a joke site. That is to say, he's not really trying to buy/sell things, he's just playing jokes on people.

first time on site (2009-07-07 23:42:48)
i dont understand why you people think he needs a reply all there gona say "no" in some annoyed way, its the seriousness in his detail that makes it sound like this sick fuck seriously wants to come to there house and do this...