Escalade Bodyguard
Posted at: 2009-06-24 08:14:22
Original ad:
2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.
From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org
Hey,
I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.
Please help me out!
Mike
From James ******* to Me
Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!
From Mike Partlow to James ********
James,
I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.
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Ian (2013-10-28 20:48:10)
im seriously dieing. between the guy asking if he looked like a body guard and the cadilac ad on the left best yet.
@melissa (2013-10-27 03:55:19)
That's why he responds to only the foolish posts on CL.
Zach (2013-07-28 19:16:23)
I would've been all over that offer!
efkmerk (2013-05-05 05:56:05)
hahahaha u are awesome:P
derp (2013-03-12 21:48:43)
@melissa
Look at the date of the post... When did you sell your car? Maybe you should "smh" again and use a frying pan.
Tadashi (2013-02-13 03:15:13)
@melissa: That's exactly why he deserved this. :oD
TigerladyNZ (2013-02-06 23:29:35)
Crying uncontrollably at "Do you look like a bodyguard?"
melissa (2013-01-10 18:02:19)
wow i only got 10,000 for my 2007 escalade with around the same mileage and with all the extras it was decked out in excelent condition and not to mention it was the esv or extended version with an extra row of seats. Smh at posting cars at retail prices.
Sachkeerat Singh (2012-07-21 15:07:30)
My Turban Is Dirty
Mike Partlow (2012-07-04 02:30:29)
James come on it was a good deal. Why didn't you take it?
James (2012-06-27 21:02:41)
Sorry if it would have been a pic of cock'n'balls he wouldn't even had to pay me!
me (2012-01-05 14:32:30)
can I still get a pic of the tits?
If I was that guy... (2011-10-01 17:07:57)
I would've agreed for sure! That'd be fun as hell to do for a night.
@HAHAHA (2011-09-30 07:10:22)
Five simple words: "Oh I forgot to mention..."
Some dude (2011-07-10 16:27:01)
I lost it when he called him a cock blocker
Me (2011-07-04 18:58:46)
This guy is really having fun with these people and i cant believe they also dump not to notice it
HAHAHA (2011-07-03 19:06:09)
But, what happens if one of these people he's messing with is so stupid they actually agree to one of his insane requests, haha then what?
nagz (2011-05-10 07:48:08)
"The problem is, I am not a drug dealer" - lost it here :)
annoying orange (2011-04-27 17:47:50)
@confused he'll make the situation even worse...
anon (2011-04-18 17:30:21)
I would have taken him up on the offer.
Nitro (2011-03-24 01:39:01)
I just loved the way he said "Well James". It sounded so pissy lmfao.
Kwushlickit (2011-02-20 02:45:48)
@Can you ppl
PROFICKLOL!
:D (2011-02-16 05:31:24)
I have abs from laughing at this!
George (2011-01-17 06:04:14)
Holy shit I fucking loved this :D
Can you ppl (2010-12-09 19:20:09)
Stop re-phrasing EVERY single piece of literature ?????
Stop QUoting!!!!!
Gorgo (2010-11-09 22:10:10)
That seller was an idiot, $60, free gas, and a picture of awesome tits, I would have totally taken the guy up on the offer.
SpaŠed (2010-10-28 20:44:21)
This shit puts tears in my eyes reading it, its so hilarious its hard to stop laughing whilst reading it. Keep up the good work!
Bahaha (: (2010-10-23 13:47:50)
"I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you." Amazing. Simply amazing
confused (2010-09-16 17:10:13)
If anyone asked me to do this i'd totally be up for it... guy must've been a major dick. Oh and also, what happens if people go along with what you say to them?
skilletrox (2010-08-15 16:20:28)
"clapz"
Vlad (2010-07-28 04:28:42)
LOL @ "You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter."
Echo (2010-07-23 07:40:43)
lol @ cue that's what i was thinking
CEM (2010-07-19 22:32:42)
Ballin escalade...haha!
cue (2010-07-05 12:06:57)
"I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet..."
anonymous (2010-06-24 19:33:37)
HOW CAN I NOT LAUGH AT THESE?!
Jon C (2010-06-18 06:41:02)
"D".
That was epic.
h8 (2010-06-16 14:30:07)
phenomEnal.
Dom (2010-05-17 23:28:39)
You're just fantastic.
doug (2010-05-12 18:31:00)
I would have taken him up on that shit after the third offer, "badass security chatter" hahaha, priceless
Me (2010-05-02 01:18:11)
"No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger."
"Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal."
"Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are
Mike (2010-04-20 06:21:15)
" like you are listening to some badass security chatter" AHhaahahahahhaahhaahah
H Mills (2010-04-09 01:20:56)
hell i would have said yes after the 3rd offer
Askew (2010-03-23 01:53:22)
lolz @ emily
Emily (2010-03-19 22:12:25)
Anytime.I have a couple of spice racks and a shoe rack,just pick one.
chickk (2010-02-19 19:12:39)
i promise i will not have sex on your seats<-----had me dying! :D
must be real (2010-02-14 09:03:08)
reality ( stupidity ) is way worse than seen here - and 4 me really ok brits & twits having vain fight - since theres any difference ffs - great fooling again - gotta love it on winterdays
Pickle nipples (2010-02-10 18:32:46)
Duncan, quit being such a cunt. On like every single on of mike's pranks you take the punchline and say "oh i get ittt!" it was funny the first time now
15 (2010-01-07 16:45:48)
Seriously. We need more pictures of racks floating around out there. No faces, just racks. It's a win-win.
Emily (2010-01-07 16:21:24)
Hey, Emily...when and where?
pat (2010-01-05 21:24:46)
" like you are listening to some badass security chatter" AHhaahahahahhaahhaahah
AR (2010-01-03 06:03:50)
Hey, Emily...when and where?
tkwon (2009-12-28 21:15:03)
hahahahahahh oh man
Emily (2009-12-28 14:46:45)
You can snap a picture of my rack
ray (2009-12-26 16:54:03)
Hahahahaha this dude is funnny as hell
Rob (2009-12-15 20:33:38)
Yep, agreed, this is the best of all so far. "I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone" Only our hero could pull that shit off. 3 cheers, I don't know how you could, but you gotta figure out a way to make money on this shi
Chitown Sucks DICK (2009-11-24 15:21:08)
Go back to ur mum cock sucker
Kat (2009-11-20 11:38:58)
Final comment is phenomenal.
Cock blocked (2009-10-30 23:06:55)
Best one yet!!
el wey (2009-10-26 13:13:32)
jon is right on that comment. i thought the same
anonymous (2009-10-24 21:00:27)
lmao "golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal"
jones001 (2009-10-11 02:18:13)
omfg thats fuckin great!!!!!
Meg (2009-10-06 12:49:00)
You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.
LOL
anonymous (2009-09-24 14:23:58)
COCK BLOCKED LOL
John (2009-09-23 23:53:27)
That's rich, an Escalade owner telling someone to be less shallow and not go for golddiggers.
L (2009-09-23 16:07:02)
ahaha this is totally awesome!! "badass security chatter", how freakin' priceless.
Rippy (2009-09-11 22:03:11)
Well James, you are being a cockblocker
TattaSingh (2009-09-03 12:28:21)
Some of these pranks are good but I think now i have a feeling that these are made up pranks.
Bjarne (2009-09-01 22:03:48)
Yes of course Mikes emails are fake but the reply is real!
djcao (2009-09-01 20:44:49)
@ chris: oh, wait...so, im in the wrong website...c`mon dude....who cares this shit is fake or not...it`s just funny...loose it a bit...
Emma (2009-08-31 16:26:25)
Mike I want to bang you, and for my herpes to ooze all over you
emma (2009-08-31 08:36:52)
mike i need to know u
Cali Man 707 (2009-08-31 05:16:32)
"Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal." <---- Hilarious!!
Victoria (2009-08-30 09:25:22)
You are so funny, Mike.
Retard Babies (2009-08-30 02:26:28)
All of you eat them.
Jasmine (2009-08-23 14:53:41)
Hahahaha!
Liam Gallagher (2009-08-23 13:07:32)
What a load of bollocks...LG
AMP (2009-08-22 23:25:05)
Shit, I would've done it. That actually sounds like fun, dressing up and acting like a bodyguard.
J (2009-08-19 20:40:08)
Epic.
Becky (2009-08-19 18:44:19)
First!
Chris (2009-08-17 19:49:13)
Of course these emails are fake, grow a brain. The emails are for comedic value and the guy is great at creating new and interesting emails to unsuspecting people.
Duncanator (2009-08-17 11:40:05)
all of you are stupid noobs. this shet is fake
Reprobatic (2009-08-16 14:20:24)
Britse wankers naar huis.
i have a peen1x (2009-08-15 18:33:34)
go duncan fight the power mang
howithink (2009-08-10 14:02:49)
cockblocker.....LOL.....
brit is a cunt2 (2009-08-10 01:54:42)
Americans are awesome
chip (2009-08-05 19:57:08)
Shit, man, this one is tops. I say put it in the "Top Rated" section.
naodwalk (2009-08-01 22:52:31)
..... really Duncan..... really????? funny none the less
Duncan (2009-07-28 21:52:10)
oh haha i get it he wants to rent the car but it's not for rent
Anonymous (2009-07-27 10:41:32)
I thought there would be a punchline at the end. I guess not.
2/5 Not that funny.
thejackyl (2009-07-26 21:49:06)
one of the best ones for sure
ahahah (2009-07-24 19:08:44)
'like you are listening to some badass security chatter'
sbj (2009-07-23 15:35:02)
omg. this was my favorite so far.
layla (2009-07-18 21:58:44)
AHAHAHAHHH to good
big pimpin (2009-07-17 23:39:37)
hahahaha o man i cant get enough of this shit u guys sayin this is dumb are fuckin dumbasses ur self
LOL (2009-07-16 16:53:30)
"possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck"
LMA (2009-07-16 03:46:43)
I'm pretty sure I got this as a spam email once.
Penis (2009-07-15 20:31:36)
This one was lame.
Catfish 3000 (2009-07-15 18:20:34)
Duncan...........donuts.
Brit is a cunt (2009-07-15 11:34:42)
America is awesome
Brit (2009-07-15 10:20:02)
americans are stupid.
J (2009-07-14 23:40:33)
Who is this guy Duncan in the comments? you are unfunny
cucking funt (2009-07-11 21:32:08)
The most hilarious part of this one is that it doesn't feature any British wankerism. ALL AMERICAN BABEE YEAH!!!!
noWazNeeni again (2009-07-11 11:25:39)
Wow..you sure are a funny one WazNeeni! The fact that you would come on here and make a comment like that after reading this e-mail just blows my mind...do you even understand the humor?
brittania (2009-07-10 19:03:22)
@MARK how or
MARK (2009-07-10 16:03:28)
By the way you had an idiom related grammar issue in your post somegirl: it is skeptical of not to. To is the incorrect preposition.
MARK (2009-07-10 16:01:52)
Being from the U.K. myself, I&
TO Some Girl (2009-07-10 13:00:36)
Take your british ass to another webpage please your high and mighty self doesn't seem to fit in and this *american* styled humor seems a bit to rough for you. Fucking die, thanks.
Wisdomt (2009-07-10 07:57:11)
One word... RSS ... Please
anonymous (2009-07-09 21:11:21)
Really, SomeGirl? Have you watched Top Gear recently? How about Rowan Atkinson? You're not as different as you would like to believe.
Some Girl (2009-07-09 19:31:47)
Being from the U.K I am normally very skeptical to any American humour containing crude, immature, and plain mean pranks. That aside, this still got me laughing. Nice work, please continue.
No WazNeeni (2009-07-09 17:30:40)
Please do not ever make a website similar to this, that is about as funny as aids, thank you.
WazNeeni (2009-07-09 13:54:10)
You totally missed the opportunity for a Kanye reference. After James called her a "g
lolforlife (2009-07-07 16:48:59)
this is my favorite one yet.
HOTT (2009-07-06 20:03:37)
haaaaaaaaa o my goodness!!!! i want more updates.. these positively make my day
PEN15 (2009-07-04 18:03:07)
jesus christ haha. Craigslist massacre
pun (2009-07-02 17:53:05)
"Shit Cock-Blocked out of you-" intentionally anal sex joke?
mike (2009-07-02 09:16:24)
Such a beatiful asshole!
JR (2009-07-02 05:05:26)
You should put an RSS feed on this site. Hilarious!
Zamunda (2009-06-28 20:11:06)
hahhaa nice!
mi-au (2009-06-27 15:26:02)
heyyy mister asshole, i'm waiting for yor next post :)
xxx (2009-06-27 08:19:37)
you really need an rss feed, man. you'd have like 6.7 billion subscribers.
Pedro (2009-06-27 02:53:20)
Cabron, you are one funny madre boner!
adoring fan (2009-06-27 01:04:10)
Marry Me?
how much you want??? (2009-06-26 14:50:43)
how much you want??
D (2009-06-25 22:06:46)
Maryland blue crab
anonymous (2009-06-25 20:44:18)
I meant shit, damned iphone
anonymous (2009-06-25 20:43:22)
I hope you get the shot cockblocked out of you
Corey (2009-06-25 16:52:05)
Are you gonna get an RSS feed sometime for these updates?
Phases (2009-06-25 16:37:01)
Greatest site ever. All I have is 43 cents in my paypal account but I'm considering sending it to you.
Jeffrey Paswick (2009-06-25 10:35:45)
that would have been lol'ly if she had her period in the escalade cuz there would be blood.
Ben (2009-06-25 10:29:21)
I would have done it just the fun of it, that just seemed alot more reasonable than some of the other shit hes asked
CG (2009-06-25 03:48:04)
I totally would have body guarded for boobs.
Hunter (2009-06-25 01:05:04)
Haha this is one of the best :D
InterNetUserZer0 (2009-06-25 00:02:39)
lol @ phenom rack. YaY
Kayla. (2009-06-24 23:06:08)
LMFAO. this is one of my favorites.
Sue (2009-06-24 19:26:12)
You crack me up! Keep up the hilarity.
tu zorra (2009-06-24 19:15:32)
seriously, u are hilarious. i have in my life never laughed so hard.
Gary (2009-06-24 18:44:25)
phenomenal
Taylor (2009-06-24 18:21:49)
Would you like to get married?
Mahi Mahi (2009-06-24 17:58:21)
hard to beleive
don (2009-06-24 17:32:50)
Absolutely fantastic. I have been reading all afternoon, only interrupted by work now and then. How did you come up with this great idea?
lueshi (2009-06-24 16:39:15)
love you qwerty
uneedalife (2009-06-24 15:01:02)
Cockblocker, what a perfect last word! You sure showed him!
color me white with cum from all the dick ive been sucking.
Corey (2009-06-24 13:33:53)
"Trust me, they are great." Can't stop laughing!
yes (2009-06-24 13:17:53)
these are amzing u shud get an award.
Rob (2009-06-24 13:14:49)
funny sh-t here.. can read these for days.. another hilarious site i came across is bitchcooks.com for this cookbook called "Get i the Kitchen, BIT@HES!".. priceless.. just like this..
Jason (2009-06-24 12:46:42)
Been reading this site like crazy for the last two days. Sent it to all my friends. Keep it up, love it.
ozzy (2009-06-24 12:22:28)
brilliant!, keep it up man, i wanna read more!!
you RULE (2009-06-24 11:35:55)
"just drive and look badass."
trini (2009-06-24 10:55:55)
i have a lot of respect for you. I also do this kind of stuff for kicks, but I barely get any replies, and for you to compile this many, I know you have to be working hard. Keep it up
anonymous (2009-06-24 09:33:02)
Fucking hilarious xD
"Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenomenal"
Morgan (2009-06-24 09:10:23)
Hahaha! I just read through all of your mails, you're so fucking funny.
KFC (2009-06-24 08:54:45)
Fuck yeah, admin.
Cal (2009-06-24 08:41:12)
"Well James, you are being a cockblocker..." CLASSIC.
V (2009-06-24 08:38:05)
LOL
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