Semi-gloss Enamel Kitten
Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:34:44
Original ad:
i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you
From Mike Partlow to **********@**********.org
Hey,
I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend's kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old.
Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny.
Let me know if you want him.
Thanks
Mike
From sarah ******** to Me
ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat
From Mike Partlow to sarah ********
Sarah,
I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?
Mike
From sarah ******** to Me
WTF R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME! EW
From Mike Partlow to sarah ********
Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't.
From sarah ******** to Me
NO I DO NOT WANT HIM THAT IS FUKED UP!!!
From Mike Partlow to sarah ********
Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation.
Comments:
Jidin (2015-12-01 14:06:37)
wow!!! Christina Carroll!!! I have been FB buds with your dad for a year or so, but never found you on there. I hope you & your mom & brother are all doing well. You have an azmaing birth story and gorgeous twins!!! You were always such a beautiful ch
Ajin (2015-11-29 20:05:51)
Maria, it was great meeting you and shnriag this experience with you as well. What a great weekend with MeRa and Brian. But I think the best part is the bonding we've all done after the workshop, the feeling of togetherness, and knowing we all have
sa;als kdjs (2013-10-07 19:41:35)
"ohhhhhhhhhhh" is stupid. you seriously thought this was real? you can't put toxic chemicals on a living thing!!!! you seriously painted your cat? this guy was fucking joking!!!!!!! clean off your cat now!!!!!!!!!
This (2013-05-05 01:21:40)
Sarah seems like the average American valley girl.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh (2013-05-02 01:27:30)
I thought this was real. I painted my cat cause i dont like blacks. I went with pure white and so far no problems.
Shroom207 (2013-05-01 18:33:40)
Man.... Thats sad and fucked up. And ive seen some REALLY fucked up shit :(
DC (2013-04-24 01:24:48)
Chill out people it's a damn joke... but... "the kitten looks adorable now!" hahaha
Jackie (2013-04-12 21:26:13)
Dude, chick should have tried to save the kitten if she had a heart (assuming she thought this was for real).
anon (2013-02-22 04:57:00)
@caluforniakitteh:3: it is just a joke dumb betch -_-
caluforniakitteh:3 (2013-02-10 12:42:00)
Dis not funny yu is cruel im.reprtin this
darkside (2013-01-29 23:07:02)
Same here , this website rocks. Every night before sleeping i read some of your mails from my phone. Keep it up motherfucker!
Bre (2012-09-20 15:30:24)
Wait.. NOT ONE PETA PERSON RANTING ABOUT A CAT BEING PAINTED AND OR THE GIRL NOT GOING TO PICK IT UP AFTER ITS ABUSE?! I didn't think it was possible to have a post about animals without crazy Peta people going nuts over a joke.
garryB (2012-07-26 21:58:51)
I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny ==> fuckin epic
Lee (2012-07-19 13:53:44)
i've spent 4 hours reading through all your archives. You are genius.
xXxDeltaxXx (2012-06-15 18:22:14)
Umm, the E-mails here are so fucking hilarious, although i found this one a little bit saddening :/...but still little bit funny :)
I'm blind! (2012-06-12 10:26:37)
Just spent several hours staring at this crap on my phone. Fooken hilarious, for the most part. Bravo sir, now time to get off and hope my vision returns ...
Pendryn (2012-06-10 23:09:13)
Man... half a can of paint? What was it, a quart? Seriously...
lolwut (2012-05-26 16:17:04)
She cares about the COLOUR more than the cat itself? I don't think she's capable to look after a fish, let alone a cat. (God help her if she wants a puppy)
lovethisite (2012-05-17 16:12:20)
Dude u really are hysterical please write more i love this site
That Cat (2012-05-04 21:51:58)
hahahaa, gf's been away for 3 months and her kitten is a month old!
anonymous (2012-04-07 16:06:19)
lolol
hugy (2012-04-07 16:05:56)
hhh
Stupid (2012-03-22 18:42:50)
This one is dumb. Some of these are ok, but most are not funny+
anonymous (2012-03-19 22:49:15)
sarah (2012-03-07 21:55:13)
WTF R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME! EW
anonymous (2011-12-11 05:09:42)
Its funny how the lady didnt care that it wasnt his cat
anonymous (2011-08-01 10:45:09)
aids (2011-07-24 19:52:33)
Touch me dirty.
Bob Saget (2011-07-20 17:03:45)
This site has me very unproductive at work. Loving every email i read. Thank you sir for the great laughs
ng (2011-06-17 23:39:05)
yo momma (2011-06-03 03:58:30)
and peed
Andy Mctrollington (2011-04-29 07:32:42)
Some amazing trolling on this site, I love it.
jackie chan (2011-04-25 16:07:21)
u r my idol... i'm here in INDIA... came across ur book last weekend... hooked on this website since... next paycheck's going on copies of ur book... gonna gift em around...
awesome...
nigro (2011-03-29 02:56:45)
so funny
anonymous (2011-02-24 20:48:56)
i wonder if these ads are on purpose? now it's about feliway.
craigslist FTW (2011-02-16 04:49:17)
dude wtf.. a long time ago i posted pranks on CL too but people right away reported them and didnt even send me funny emails D: boohoo
anonymous (2011-02-04 09:04:25)
rawr (2010-12-30 13:11:44)
LOLOLOL
dave (2010-12-28 17:55:06)
you have to actually write something, asshole.
s (2010-12-26 01:46:09)
s (2010-12-26 01:45:44)
lol it did call me an asshole! lol
AYUWABLOOM (2010-12-20 20:13:17)
THAT IS "FUKED UP!" LOL!
Joe Stalin (2010-12-15 13:32:11)
That's so cute, it reminds me of when I was a kid and my neighbor spray-painted her white show dog with pink spray-paint. That dog was so cute after that except it turned orange back by its butt where it peed on itself
anonymous (2010-12-12 16:40:02)
u
person (2010-12-11 12:15:27)
I would've taken the cat just to keep it safe ROFL.
she said fuked up XD (2010-12-10 13:36:59)
hey the computer called me an asshole cuz i trid to put up a blank comment
Kevin H (2010-11-26 19:32:34)
@Silly Mini: The internet is full of illiterate people. Just be glad you got an education.
Silly Mini (2010-10-08 00:56:08)
You know it's douche, right? *sigh*
hit girl (2010-09-30 00:37:59)
What a dush
Bobert (2010-09-24 10:53:30)
to people saying kitten is one month old, that implies she has a CAT which gave birth after she left
@Lis (2010-09-22 13:10:46)
At first i thought "tween", But you said facebook, not myspace, so you what? 47 right? i bet your profile age is 21. hey are you christian? that would explain a lot
anonymous (2010-09-11 18:02:49)
"probrally really bad for him"
really? i never...
Ali (2010-08-13 12:01:59)
just put ur dick in me and get on the table bitch
anonymous (2010-08-06 11:31:26)
"grammatically proper".... hahahaha. OxyMORON
@Lis (cont.) (2010-07-17 12:04:33)
brat. She neither called Animal Abuse nor compensated him.
@Lis (2010-07-17 12:03:41)
Get over yourself. You're clearly not as witty as you think you are, considering that you can't even compose grammatically proper sentences like your "male counterpart" here.
Pertaining to the letters themselves, that girl is clearly a
nickolette (2010-07-06 00:37:35)
xD
Dizazsters (2010-07-01 22:47:36)
Wow, that girl is really a bitch. Why wouldn't she pick up the cat or at least report him for animal abuse.. If this was true, that is.
adrian (2010-06-30 06:46:43)
lol 'its prob realy bad for the cat'
AHAHA (2010-06-05 15:48:27)
The kitten looks adorable now! LOL!!
Lis (2010-04-30 19:23:00)
I AM HONESTLY DYING AT ALL OF THESE. i wanna post them al over my facebook and show all my friends like im pissing myself here on a friday night when i could be out with my friends. this guy reminds me of myself but im a girl hahahahha he knows his shit h
wtf (2010-04-30 11:43:38)
bitch made you waste paint
at @ (2010-03-15 08:34:22)
Wow stfu
Jewbear (2010-03-15 02:25:28)
YES, Amber, We all just fucking read that part.
Amber (2010-02-22 13:33:19)
lol "I demand at least $10 for compensation."
Joe (2010-02-10 15:17:00)
Just because she went on a 3 month vacation, doesnt mean she has been gone for 3 months. People need to use their brains a bit more..
Joe (2010-02-10 15:16:37)
Just because she went on a 3 month vacation, doesnt mean she has been gone for 3 months. People need to use their brains a but more..
dumb (2010-02-03 15:11:18)
Dude, the kitten is 1 month old and his gf just left for a 3 month long vacation in France. You write any of the ads that this guy replies to? haha
xelios (2010-01-16 21:05:43)
wow, ur girlfriend out for 3 month yet kitten is 1 month old, and she didnt even notice
GummiSnorri (2010-01-15 21:37:24)
"yeah (2009-10-13 14:39:11)
Sarah is not the original name of the email recipient."
That is the dumbest comment I've ever seen.
Do you think that "Sarah@(anything)" isn't taken about anywhere!?
It's one of the most common
chris (2009-12-29 12:59:59)
"Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation." LOL LOL LOL dear god!
tweedle (2009-11-19 11:28:24)
yes i know that there isn't really "a kitten".
tweedle (2009-11-19 11:27:10)
i love that this bitch doesn't even give a shit about the kitten she's all "eeow" she's going to make a great mom for some poor kitten that she'll dump at a shelter when it does something ew gross- moron bitch.
that guy (2009-11-05 23:12:05)
that was utterly beautiful.
Touro73 (2009-10-29 00:24:59)
hilarious
Sidnelsom (2009-10-22 02:57:32)
couldnt stop laughing at the "nice and shiny"
yeah (2009-10-13 14:39:11)
Sarah is not the original name of the email recipient.
Cedric (2009-10-05 03:41:15)
Great site, great articles. I doubt sarah is the original correspondant through.
marisa (2009-09-27 14:53:28)
HAHAHAH the person who the email was to found itt ahahahahahhahahhahahah
Sarah (2009-09-26 21:32:03)
i just found this website i cant belive i am on here!! you are a fukin bitch
D.U.N.K.en (2009-09-18 13:13:30)
slamma jamma bitches
rrrrrr (2009-09-04 06:19:37)
rrrrrrr
dun can rocks (2009-09-01 01:52:23)
duncan rocks
Miguel sucks (2009-08-31 15:27:59)
Thats prolly bc your name is miguel.... we automatically assume you are not intelligent... as it doesnt take that much intellect to landscape
Miguel (2009-08-30 15:07:16)
I wouldn't have gotten the joke if it wasn't for Duncan LOL
THE REAL DUN CAN (2009-08-26 23:49:32)
is not me...
Ged (2009-08-24 08:02:01)
Thank you "dun can" for explaining it. Normal people just don't have what it takes to understand the complexity of this gag... Glad we have you to help us.
dun can (2009-08-23 19:36:31)
oh that's funny because she wants to buy a black kitten, so he tries to sell her his girlfriends white one which he paints over!
dave (2009-08-23 19:35:40)
classic
lol@thisshit (2009-08-21 20:30:51)
makes the kitten nice and shiny ROFL
@Dan (2009-08-17 23:30:45)
What he meant by "it's fake" is obviously that the conversation is entirely made up by the author of this website... not that the guy didn't actually paint the cat...
Retard.
s (2009-08-17 13:33:11)
LMFAO
jaja binks (2009-08-15 17:10:43)
its not fake. it just seems dumb because the girl is retarded. you can tell she's like 13
Dan (2009-08-06 08:10:23)
Of COURSE it's fake!! That's the whole idea.
skeptiking (2009-08-05 19:41:19)
ha, this is still funny, but I assume a fake. some of these are legit it seems, though.
LMFAO (2009-07-29 05:38:19)
HAHAH THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH!! DUDE LOVE THIS SITE!
well (2009-07-23 22:31:34)
definitely fake
l1qu1dsk1e (2009-07-21 01:46:56)
If this was me, I would have played along. Getting his addy n everything. Then I would have told him dunk himself in the paint. WOnt accept anything els.
@ @previous (2009-07-16 22:02:24)
That was annoying. Sum your shit up. Ur not a doctor fucktard
d (2009-07-16 15:44:26)
In case you all didn't know, I am referring to myself in my comments.
@LOL (2009-07-16 00:12:41)
the girlfriend could have gotten the kitten, then went on a 3 month vacation rtard.
d (2009-07-14 15:11:33)
Still lame
Christen (2009-07-14 10:42:44)
Freakn' hilarious!!!!
LOL (2009-07-13 15:07:37)
The girlfriend went on a three month vacation. The kitten is only a month old. ... priceless!
anonymous (2009-07-12 19:28:56)
dude...you are hysterical!. i am from philly and enjoying your references to my home town while i practically wet myself laughing...
vagina (2009-07-12 17:56:46)
penis
@ Previous Poster (2009-07-12 02:58:49)
You're correct! You aren't funny. Or original for that matter. I can tell by the fac
The best (2009-07-09 11:42:06)
Nice one!
gwan (2009-07-08 19:12:59)
She could have gone on vacation for a TOTAL of three months but have only been gone for 2 weeks or whatever. Duh
anonymous (2009-07-07 18:49:47)
I like how she didn't catch the two month discrepancy.
Z (2009-07-07 14:15:42)
tears
catssuck (2009-07-07 13:53:03)
fuck you all this is one of the funniest ones i have read yet A++++++++ (AWSOME)
Astrovan (2009-07-07 07:26:04)
Shut the fuck up all you whiners. This made me laugh harder than the rest. You're probably all cat people crying that someone made a joke about precious little kitten.
jm (2009-07-07 00:52:55)
It's all relative. Reading this after "barter my whore wife" doesn't help.
Joe (2009-07-02 18:19:20)
One of the best xD
anonymous (2009-07-02 16:28:17)
this one was bad.
Sid (2009-07-02 15:54:50)
Your emails are gettin' weaker... get back on it bro!
Pedo Bear (2009-07-02 15:33:22)
Weak man, do some drama.
Lub (2009-07-02 15:19:50)
Month-old kitten belongs to girlfriend away for 3 months. Awesome!
Steve (2009-07-02 13:52:03)
One of your best!
das (2009-07-02 13:11:14)
yo shit's weak...shiiit's weak.
ROFL (2009-07-02 12:18:31)
Semi-glossing a kitten... PRICELESS!!
Mitch (2009-07-02 12:12:01)
Eh...OK. Not as good as "Brokeback Beach" or "Apologetic Nationals Fan".
Andrew (2009-07-02 11:57:25)
Can't believe that bitch aint taking the damn kitten now. Half a can of paint wasted...
Andrew (2009-07-02 11:56:59)
Awesome as always.
d (2009-07-02 11:55:29)
Weak
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